I am sitting here in my unusually quiet apartment reliving what I did just days ago. I am in awe of the experience and can't feel more grateful that my Father and Mother in heaven wanted me to have such a gift in my life.
Giving birth naturally was probably my greatest fear. I never thought I would be able to do it. I prayed and prayed for weeks before the birth for the strength to accomplish this goal so that my baby could have the birth I knew was so important for him. One day, while meditating, just a day or two before Henrik was born, I received the distinct impression in my mind that I already had the strength I would need. The exact words that I felt in my heart were, "You already possess the strength of the pioneers." I couldn't believe it, yet I knew it must be true. I stopped praying for strength and started focusing all my energy of peace, faith and charity.
I have known for so long that having our baby naturally and at home was not something I had to do, but something that Heavenly Father had invited me to do. He was offering me a gift of knowledge and experience that would help me throughout my life if I wanted to accept it. I couldn't turn that down no matter how great my fear was. I accepted and for months expected the Lord to teach me marvelous things as I labored and finally gave birth. This was not the case. As I was in the midst of labor I was so tired after days of labor and months of little sleep. I was emotionally drained and I needed my Father in heaven so much. Looking out the window and seeing the snow softly falling, coating everything in the purest white I was filled with the love of my Eternal Father. I knew that snow was meant just for me and no one else. I knew in that moment that Father was with me and my baby and that He would see us through.
As I sit here in quiet remembrance of the sacred event that took place in this very room I am overcome with emotion and realize that there is much the Lord wants me to learn from this experience but it was not meant to come all at once. I know that this experience will be very similar to that of my mission, I can learn from it every single day for the rest of my life...if I let it teach me.
How wonderful is the great Plan of Salvation! How sweet and kind is the Lords great plan for us. How marvelous to be on His errand and doing His work. How precious to be given these two special boys who will grow to be men of the Holy Priesthood, enlisted to defend truth and righteousness and the holy name of the Lord Jesus Christ.
It is all starting to sink in. I have never felt this depth of gratitude. I have never been so blessed.